Chemo: Round 1

A week ago I was dancing on my chair at Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor.

I had just received my stage 4 diagnosis, but was still confident that cancer had nothing on me!

I had no idea how powerful chemo really is.

I arrived Wednesday for my first chemo treatment full of excitement.

This was the day I began zapping the beast within.

This was the day I had been waiting for since I heard the word CANCER.

I was ready.

They started with a bag of saline in my IV and some benadryl in case I had an allergic reaction 

to any of the 3 medications: Docetaxel, Trastuzumab, and Pertuzumab.

Of course I had no reactions to any of them, but reacted badly to the benadryl!

It made me terribly sleepy and dizzy but with the worst restless legs and arms!

I was a mess.

The whole process took 7 hours, since they took time to flush out the line 

in between each medication and wait for a reaction. 

Next time will be shorter thank goodness!!

I went home tired, and very sore in my cancer sites.

The next day I woke up not quite sure what to expect.

My husband stayed home to watch me, but the only reaction I had was sore teeth.

I thought to myself, I got this.

Friday I started going downhill.

My sister came to do my laundry and help with the kids.

I began to hurt and nothing sounded good, not even my trusty chocolate!

The weekend was miserable. 

My stomach was all crampy and it felt like I was being stabbed all over my body with dull knives.

Saturday I managed to get to my daughter's dance performance but was down for the rest of the day.

Sunday I went to church for a little while, and was glad I did.

The message was clearly for me, and the fellowship did me good.

But I was done.

I messaged my cancer girls and they told me not to suffer in silence.

I contacted my oncologist and we are working together to manage my pain.

Things don't seem quite so hopeless, I can do this!

I'm looking forward to figuring out what works so I can be prepared and fight off the pain.

Life is too short to lie in bed if I can help it!

I look around me and everyone looks so alive.

So vibrant and well.

It seems so strange that I would take a medicine to make me better but it actually makes me sicker.

And in getting sick, I am actually getting well. 

Because having cancer didn't make me feel sick, I felt incredibly well.

But in reality I was being eaten alive from the inside from the beast cancer.

I hate cancer. More than I thought I could really hate anything.

I'm mad at it. And I'm going to kick its butt. 

Because I want to dance again.