Christmas with Cancer

This Christmas is different.

This Christmas I am more thankful for my life.

I am grabbing every opportunity to celebrate and find the joys of the season with my family.

I am aware with perfect clarity that we don't know when those opportunities will be gone.

The image above shows the lumps that remain in my breast.

I was scheduled for a mastectomy this week against my doctor's advice.

I just wanted to remove those lumps and feel like I had done everything I could.

But the latest studies show that the mastectomy does not improve my chances.

Those who receive it and those who don't live just as long.

The weekend after I had this ultrasound done was very hard for me.

The fear crept in and paralyzed me.

I lay in my bed and thought about dying and leaving my children.

I couldn't shake the feeling, and I was miserable.

That Sunday I went to church and my inspired leader spoke about fear.

He spoke about the blessings that the Lord has for us 

when we put aside our fear and have faith in Him.

And I need all the blessings I can get!

And so I decided to trust my oncologist, who has taken remarkable care of me.

And have faith that the Lord will take care of my children, 

with or without me here to raise them.

I have been blessed with the gift of optimism, 

but I have to tell you that facing death tests my ability to remain joyful.

My greatest desire is to remain here on earth with my family.

And so I will fight!

I will not give up.

I will keep the faith.
And I will build a legacy of faith for my children, not fear!

I am stage 4.

My diagnosis is different.

The cancer spread out into my body.

I will never be in remission; 

my treatments will not end until I die.

My cancer will never be cured, only controlled.

But I am extremely blessed that the infusions and medication I receive don't make me sick!

The side effects are minimal and allow me to live a normal, busy mom life.

I have recently received the job of my dreams, 

librarian at my kids' school, and could not be more happy!

I have always wanted to do something important, to be someone important.

The cancer is helping me to make a difference.

Not only do I reach out with greater enthusiasm and love, but others do too.

I hear stories of people who have renewed their faith in God.

People who have begun praying.

People who hug more and love more.

And that makes me know that it's worth it, all that I have suffered and will suffer.

It has made the world a better place.

Smile with your whole face, teeth and all!

Never miss a chance to tell someone how important they are.

Share what you have, it was just on loan from God.

Forgive and be gentle with others and yourself, we are all doing our best.

I love you.

XO

Jaime