A week ago I was dancing on my chair at Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor.
I had just received my stage 4 diagnosis, but was still confident that cancer had nothing on me!
I had no idea how powerful chemo really is.
I arrived Wednesday for my first chemo treatment full of excitement.
This was the day I began zapping the beast within.
This was the day I had been waiting for since I heard the word CANCER.
I was ready.
They started with a bag of saline in my IV and some benadryl in case I had an allergic reaction
to any of the 3 medications: Docetaxel, Trastuzumab, and Pertuzumab.
Of course I had no reactions to any of them, but reacted badly to the benadryl!
It made me terribly sleepy and dizzy but with the worst restless legs and arms!
I was a mess.
The whole process took 7 hours, since they took time to flush out the line
in between each medication and wait for a reaction.
Next time will be shorter thank goodness!!
I went home tired, and very sore in my cancer sites.
The next day I woke up not quite sure what to expect.
My husband stayed home to watch me, but the only reaction I had was sore teeth.
I thought to myself, I got this.
Friday I started going downhill.
My sister came to do my laundry and help with the kids.
I began to hurt and nothing sounded good, not even my trusty chocolate!
The weekend was miserable.
My stomach was all crampy and it felt like I was being stabbed all over my body with dull knives.
Saturday I managed to get to my daughter's dance performance but was down for the rest of the day.
Sunday I went to church for a little while, and was glad I did.
The message was clearly for me, and the fellowship did me good.
But I was done.
I messaged my cancer girls and they told me not to suffer in silence.
I contacted my oncologist and we are working together to manage my pain.
Things don't seem quite so hopeless, I can do this!
I'm looking forward to figuring out what works so I can be prepared and fight off the pain.
Life is too short to lie in bed if I can help it!
I look around me and everyone looks so alive.
So vibrant and well.
It seems so strange that I would take a medicine to make me better but it actually makes me sicker.
And in getting sick, I am actually getting well.
Because having cancer didn't make me feel sick, I felt incredibly well.
But in reality I was being eaten alive from the inside from the beast cancer.
I hate cancer. More than I thought I could really hate anything.
I'm mad at it. And I'm going to kick its butt.
Because I want to dance again.