Sunday, December 21, 2014

Christmas with Cancer

This Christmas is different.
This Christmas I am more thankful for my life.
I am grabbing every opportunity to celebrate and find the joys of the season with my family.
I am aware with perfect clarity that we don't know when those opportunities will be gone.

The image above shows the lumps that remain in my breast.
I was scheduled for a mastectomy this week against my doctor's advice.
I just wanted to remove those lumps and feel like I had done everything I could.
But the latest studies show that the mastectomy does not improve my chances.
Those who receive it and those who don't live just as long.

The weekend after I had this ultrasound done was very hard for me.
The fear crept in and paralyzed me.
I lay in my bed and thought about dying and leaving my children.
I couldn't shake the feeling, and I was miserable.

That Sunday I went to church and my inspired leader spoke about fear.
He spoke about the blessings that the Lord has for us 
when we put aside our fear and have faith in Him.
And I need all the blessings I can get!

And so I decided to trust my oncologist, who has taken remarkable care of me.
And have faith that the Lord will take care of my children, 
with or without me here to raise them.
I have been blessed with the gift of optimism, 
but I have to tell you that facing death tests my ability to remain joyful.
My greatest desire is to remain here on earth with my family.
And so I will fight!
I will not give up.
I will keep the faith.
And I will build a legacy of faith for my children, not fear!

I am stage 4.
My diagnosis is different.
The cancer spread out into my body.
I will never be in remission; 
my treatments will not end until I die.
My cancer will never be cured, only controlled.

But I am extremely blessed that the infusions and medication I receive don't make me sick!
The side effects are minimal and allow me to live a normal, busy mom life.
I have recently received the job of my dreams, 
librarian at my kids' school, and could not be more happy!

I have always wanted to do something important, to be someone important.
The cancer is helping me to make a difference.
Not only do I reach out with greater enthusiasm and love, but others do too.
I hear stories of people who have renewed their faith in God.
People who have begun praying.
People who hug more and love more.
And that makes me know that it's worth it, all that I have suffered and will suffer.
It has made the world a better place.

Smile with your whole face, teeth and all!
Never miss a chance to tell someone how important they are.
Share what you have, it was just on loan from God.
Forgive and be gentle with others and yourself, we are all doing our best.

I love you.



Ann said...

Oh Jaime, you are such an inspiration--of strength, of love, and so much more! You have been in my prayers and will continue to be.
Merry Christmas my friend!

Unknown said...

Jaime, I am so sorry to hear this. It takes strength just to be optimistic, and I'm sure it makes all the difference for your children. Praying for you and hoping for many, many good days in your future.

Unknown said...

Hi Jaime,
We have not had the chance to talk. I, too, was diagnosed Stage 4, Metastatic, two years ago. My Dr's said the exact same thing & don't know why I'm still here. All I can say is keep living!!!! You have a terrific spirit. Keep moving forward. As I told you early on, Cancer changes the view. Continue making yours the very best view. Merry Christmas and hugs to your family!

Melissa Dell said...

Continued prayers for you. and your family. And when the darkness of fear creeps over you, you know where to find the light & joy. It's with your kids. Their giggles. and the small moments. Fight strong!

Unknown said...

I love you, Friend! xoxo

Unknown said...

Oh, Jaime. Your spirit is amazing and so strong. I am so glad to call you a friend and lucky to know you. This was so hard to read, but you and your family will be in our thoughts. You've proven already that you're a fighter and that you're strong. I wish that I could hug you right now! Lots of love & hugs from Wisconsin. I love you, friend!! xo

CK said...

Reading this, I am so inspired by your kindness and optimism, Jaime. Lots and lots of love to you and your family this holiday season. Wish I could be in the area to come over and give you a big hug. But I know that back in Seal Beach you guys have so many friends and family that love you like crazy. You leave such a wake of brightness and happiness in your path- wherever you go!!! Thank you so much for sharing all that you have w/me even in the very short time that I've known you. hugs and kisses, Carrie K.

Andrea said...

You are absolutely amazing!

Unknown said...

I Love You Jaime!!!! Your Faith & Strength are an inspiration! You are always in my prayers. Xoxoxo

BillieBee (billiemick) said...

You have definitely helped to make us all stronger. I will continue to pray for your feeling healthy. Big hugs from Texas.

Unknown said...

Keep Fighting Kid, your children and their father need ya around for a long time. So Keep Fighting Kid.

Sherri said...

Oh, this is heart-wrenching... especially at this time of the year. You have incredible strength and courage. I wish you peace and comfort during this time.

Desiree Eaglin said...

You are a beautiful inspiration to me and so many. You are making such a strong, positive and beautiful difference in so many lives Jaime. I am honored to know you.

Unknown said...

Jaime - you are amazing! I am a friend of Cam's and I have been following your story since she posted it. Your spirit is amazing and you now how quite the support crew so that the days where it's not as strong, we will shower you will love and strength and prayers to buoy you up.

Merry Christmas!


Isabelle Baeck said...

Hello amazing Jaime!

Like Jessica I am a friend of Cam's (think skydive ;) who has been following along from the get-go.

Your strength is beyond inspiring. Mad props to you... and many thanks for sharing your thoughts so honestly, you are an inspiration to so many.


Unknown said...

Hi Jamie... I am unsure how I was led to your page or even how I found your latest entry... except by divine intervention... I don't browse blogs very often... maybe once or twice a year. But your story brought me right back to my sister in laws... She was diagnosed at stage 4... and was given only 3-6 months to live... After the initial fear set in... she quickly realized the more she feared the worse she felt... So she made a rule to never be afraid & to always try to be JOY filled! It did the trick... That with diet changes and healthy life style choices (everything from making sure she had no chemicals in deodorant or food) she really fought it for a very long time. Stay strong for your kids... Really every day they see you positive will be a memory they will have of you as such a positive inspiration... My prayers and thoughts are with you... Merry Christmas!... Ps. My sister in law survived for 9 years... and even biked cross country raising money for Susan G Komen. She was an inspiration and such a strong women... It sounds like you are too!

Unknown said...

Love you Jamie. Pray for you daily. You joy and optimism is a blessing.

Alisha said...

You are strong and you are so loved. XO

Mary K Tran @LetsPlayOC said...

We are truly blessed to have you in our lives. Love your courage, incredible strength, and fighting spirit! Please let us know if you need anything. We love you, Jaime! XOXO

LA Paylor said...

sadly and happily i write this as a thank you to you for your words. Especially the last paragraph. I worry that I will have come to earth and leave and no one will notice, so I get wanting to make a difference. You have made a difference. Love, LeeAnna at Not afraid of color

Kelly said...

I couldn't read this and not post, Im sorry to hear this and my heart is with you and yours. Prayers all around.

Unknown said...

What strength and spirit. You are an inspiration Jaime. Happy Holidays!

Danisdecadentdeals said...

Jaime, your optimism, strength and love are absolutely amazing beyond belief. I love to see your beautiful smiling face each day in my news feed on fb as you continue to share your journey with all of us. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers! You are an inspiration to all of us! Happy holidays! Sending lots of love & hugs your way! xo


Oh dear Jaime, My prayers and well wishes are for you. I hope you will be getting well soon. I love your optimistic views. Stay blessed.
Love from Pakistan

Mindie Hilton said...

Merry Christmas! Beautifully written. Hugs

Teresa B said...

I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this, but be sure that you are an inspiration not only for your children but for all of us as well. May 2015 bring you all the best.

Belinda said...

Wow what a story of perseverance. Praying for you and your family.

Wendy said...

Jaime, You are absolutely amazing. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Have you ever hear of CyberKnife to treat cancer? I have heard of some wonderful results for people with liver cancer and other forms of cancer.
I hope you find this link useful.

I will keep you in my prayers


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...